Here's To Good Sons-In-Law

I didn’t raise them; I didn’t choose them. I knew they would eventually enter my life, but imagining their existence, was as impossible as grasping old age when you're a twenty-year-old. Unlike hindsight which holds memories, hope and experiences for future application, foresight is imagined images and what-ifs that flutter in and out like a butterfly through the yard.

I remember praying once (only once?) that the boys, who would someday become mine by marriage, were becoming good men. Were their mothers teaching them to be gentle, responsible and kind? Were their fathers showing them how to work, love and care? Were they learning from their mistakes? Did they think about my daughters in the abstract kind of way in which they were thought of?

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In hindsight, it might have been difficult for my sons-in-law to want to be my sons-in-law. I try to see this from their point of view:"She did not raise us and we did not choose her. We fell in love with her daughters. We never even thought about a mother-in-law."
Pre-marriage, I was a little hard on them. I wanted them to marry my daughters because they couldn't imagine life without them, not because they had a great mother-in-law. My reasoning is a bit self-centered but it was important that these young men loved and married my daughters in spite of their mother.
There was one man in particular who needed a family and we were his substitute. The relationship between him and my daughter lasted longer than it should have--because he had become a part of our family. As a result, my reticence towards these sons-in-law was a test as old as the knight in shining armor who must pass through the roadside quicksand, the poisonous trees in the forest and the fire breathing dragon(me).

I just spent the weekend with my daughters and sons-in-law and I really like them —these sons-in-law. Unlike love, which is a requirement and a natural spring that flows from a good mother, like is not a requirement—it is a bonus in the familial order of things. And I like them for more reasons than the all encompassing one of treasuring my daughters. I like who they are, what they do, how they love and how they respond. I can never underestimate the value of a good son-in-law.